MIXED EMOTIONS

This caused mixed emotions in me.

Much of me disagreed with sooooo much with what this guy had to say. I often found myself wishing he'd stop saying anything at all to the press (at least on behalf of Christianity), that I confess, I was glad it was over.

Not long after that feeling though... I felt bad. I know...

I certainly don't wish death on anyone. I feel for his family and friends that saw sides of him I never did. I trust there was much I did not understand.

But, then again, there are days when I think the Lord should return so my family can go home too. Truly home. The longer I live and work on this ball of dirt... the more I truly pray that heaven comes to earth. Fast. I'm trying to bring it. I'm really trying. But I feel like I fail most days in that endeavour. Instead I just do what I've always done and get stuck in a rut. (I had a professor who once said that, "a rut is nothing but a grave with the ends kicked out." )

On mother's day I felt, yet again, that I was preaching to detention center in high school.

I HATE THAT FEELING. I'd rather preach to passionate lovers, or angry hatters, or cynical critics... but apathetic forced sleepers.... UGH.

I haven't felt it in a while. I felt it almost my entire first year here. I do not want to bore students with the gospel or Jesus. I don't want this to be my legacy: decades of talking to a wall. We were talking about the feeding of the 5000 and how God can do great things through us when they let him and well.... I think I could have been talking about the physics of printing press for all they seemed to care. I quit after church. Then I went to the wild animal park with my wife, kids, and the in-laws.

I re-hired myself Tuesday morning for one more week. But on one prayer, "Lord, please bring heaven here every day and help these students to see it and embrace it and bring it SOON!!! And no fair doing that 'soon' thing Jesus did. I mean.... 'soon' like when my wife wants me home in time to help with the kids. SOON!!!"