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I am sick. I am tired. I could list a lot of things I'm sick and tired of in me and the world. But that would be pointless and endless. But maybe it would make me feel better. Doubt it. Right now it should suffice to say that I have a sore throat and sleepy eyes. I'm going to take medicince and go to bed... someday. After my stinkin seminary paper is done.
Read more...Ok, so I've become kind of a podcast junkie. I subscribe to several. I listen to them while I drive- almost exclusively now. Most are long so I have to listen to them in 15 minute intervals... but I kinda like it. I listen to one that's basically the audio of ABC news nightline. Like watching the news without the pictures. Kinda wierd. Kinda cool. I wish my church did one so I could listen to the messages too.
Anyway, I subscribe to some that are silly, some from my friends, some from preachers, and one from Relevant Magazine. Which is fast becoming my favorite. It's professional and spontaneous too. This last one I really enjoyed. It has a great conversation among friends thinking/debating the issue of how much financial success is it ok to enjoy as a Christian. Very interesting. I really enjoyed being a fly on the wall in the discussion... though I think it missed a huge piece of the puzzle by not discussing how the way I live and the choices I make with my own money affects the poor and hungry around the world. I really wrestle with that a lot myself. But it was great stuff anyway. I think it's worth playing in a small group or with some friends to provoke a quality discussion and react/respond to it while looking at some key passages from the Bible.
So, if you want a great listen download the Relevant Magazine Podcast episode dated 5.19.06 off of itunes and give it a listen while you drive.
One more thing... one of the guys in the podcast team (Tyler) won a karoke contest by singing a Johnny Cash song at a local bar where a radio station was hosting the competition. It's really funny. Plus, if you enjoy Karoke... they're challenging others to a duel. I laughed. Perhaps you will too.
2:30pm:
"Dad, can we please stay up and watch a movie tonight?"
"Ok, if you guys take a nap today, you can stay up till 9:30 pm."
9:00 pm...
"you guys want some popcorn?."
Never mind. I'll just go get the camera.
I just got back from seeing Mission Imposible III tonight with Shannon and her cousin who's staying with us this weekend. It's non-stop shooting and running and bad guys and plot and well...
...whenever I walk out of one of those movies I keep waiting for someone to try and jump me on the way to the car. I carry my keys between my fingers confidently as if I could kill an army bare handed with them if I needed to. Then I get in my car and try and drive home on lanes I make up while checking my rear view mirror to see if we're being followed. I'll probably wake up tonight in a cold sweat with a pistol in my hand and a bad guy dead at my childrens door step only to discover it's the dog.
Now I'm going to go check my phone line to see if it's tapped and erase my hard drive cuz all of this is being tracked by that new CIA head guy the Senate/House are all up in arms about. Surely I'm being watched- my blog gets hundreds of secret CIA hits a day. Don't worry though- I'm ok. Jack Bower is on my side. I think all of Capital Hill must have seen this movie and a few too many seasons of 24 too.
Why do I do what I wish I did not? Why is self-discipline so hard?
Why do so many veteran pastors I know not lead a small group? Why are so many not even in one where they regularly live an accessible life to a few? When did that become "normal and acceptable?".
Why does every pastor in my generation have a horror story tied to another pastor in an older generation? What will the generation of pastors below me think? Where are the blind spots in my leadership?
Why is it that older leaders who specifically and intentionally mentor younger ones are so rare and hard to find?
Why doesn't God speak audibly and regularly to everyone? I think he and I should have coffee or holy water or whatever, face to face, once a year at least. I wonder why he doesn't do that? I wonder what I would do if he did?
If as a Christ follower, I'm called to be like God, does the process of growing more like him stop at death or does it go on for eternity?
What did God do before he made the earth or time as humanity knows it?
How expensive does gas have to get before I quit buying it?
How many teachable moments have I missed with my kids because I was not tuned into the moment?
Why is it the more I learn, the less I know?
.... just some questions.... maybe you have your own list.... not sure I want answers so much as company in the journey.
Tyler and I went today to a field trip to the beach with his kindergarten class. He ran around finding every innocent sea anemone he could and stuck his finger in them until they closed up on his finger. He hunted for crawling things and we found tons of hermit crabs and the like. He loves picking then all up. When we go to Sea World- it's Tyler who we can't keep away from the sting rays in the pool where you can see and touch them. He'll probably be a marine biologist someday. It was great fun.
My only complaint on the day: Mom thong. Yep, you read that right. Mom thong. The last two events I've been on with my children, I'm minding my own business, hangin' out with my kids when my field of view is interrupted by some mom who is either sitting or bending over and decides something else should be hangin' out. Namely her butt and and combination of string and triangles. Today, I'm watching Tyler and 5 kids bent over a tidepool. A mom comes over and bends down to look too. Then, my field of view gets interrupted by mom thong. (it took all the restraint in me not to take a photo to post as proof) So please. Please. For the love all things holy... ladies of all ages and sizes and whatever else- buy a belt, bigger pants, bigger underwear, suspenders, or just use good ol fashion duct tape. Your crack is not needed.
In my seminary class last night they talked about ordination. My professor shared part of a statement written by AW Tozer in 1916 upon having his calling as a pastor affirmed by the church. Here's a few paragraphs I resonated with and wanted to carve in my office wall.
"Lord Jesus, I come to Thee for spiritual preparation. Lay Thy hand upon me. Anoint me with the oil of the New Testament prophet. Forbid that I should become a religious scribe and thus lose my prophetic calling. Save me from the curse that lies dark across the face of the modern clergy, the curse of compromise, of imitation, of professionalism. Save me from the error of judging a church by its size, its popularity or the amount of its yearly offerings. Help me to remember that I am a prophet-not a promoter, not a religious manager, but a prophet. Let me never become a slave to crowds. Heal my soul of carnal ambitions and deliver me from the itch for publicity. Save me from bondage to things. Let me not waste my days puttering around the house. Lay Thy terror upon me, O God, and drive me to the place of prayer where I may wrestle with principalities and powers and the rulers of the darkness of this world. Deliver me from over-eating and late sleeping. Teach me self-discipline that I may be a good soldier of Jesus Christ....
If in Thy permissive providence honor should come to me from Thy church, let me not forget in that hour that I am unworthy of the least of Thy mercies, and that if men knew me as intimately as I know myself they would withhold their honors or bestow them upon others more worthy to receive them.
And now, O Lord of heaven and earth, I consecrate my remaining days to Thee; let them be many or few, as Thou wilt. Let me stand before the great or minister to the poor and lowly; that choice is not mine, and I would not influence it if I could. I am Thy servant to do Thy will, and that will is sweeter to me than position or riches or fame. I choose it above all things on earth or in heaven.
Although I am chosen of Thee and honored by a high and holy calling, let me never forget that I am but a man of dust and ashes, a man with all the natural faults and passions that plague the race of men. I pray Thee, therefore, my Lord and Redeemer, save me from myself and from all the injuries I may do myself while trying to be a blessing to others. Fill me with Thy power by the Holy Spirit, and I will go in Thy strength and tell of Thy righteousness, even Thine only. I will spread abroad the message of redeeming love while my normal powers endure.
Then, dear Lord, when I am old and weary and too tired to go on, have a place ready for me above, and make me to be numbered with Thy saints in glory everlasting.
Amen"
to which I now add my own name and an AMEN too.
One of the conversations I’ve had of late is in response to this question: “To what degree do I have to serve at the local church to be serving God?”
What if I serve in a bible study with a para-church organization but not one that my local church has any responsibility over?
What if I serve in the nursery at my local school instead of my local church?
What if coach the middle school baseball team with a missional heart and pray for my players and seek opportunities to invite their families to church and even invite them to my home outside of games but don’t lead a student ministries small group or do anything with middle school kids at my church? Am I living in sin and selfishness?
What if I do the dishes at my house every night and take care of my neighbor’s cat and babysit my little brother- all for free and all as an act of worship? Am I serving the cause of the church?
What if I go to work instead of volunteering as a greeter on the weekend and then give the money I make in those hours at work to World Vision to help feed the poor? Am I serving?
These, and questions like them, all represent a common lingering thread in the church today. Perhaps they can all be boiled down to the same basic question: Is it possible to be serving the Lord but not serving the local church? And if so, is that a problem with God or just an issue with a local pastor?
Most responses I’ve heard fall into 3 camps:
I DID MY PART CAMP: This camp expects someone at the local church to provide for their needs of teaching, music, service for children and teens, and other functions often associated with the life of a local church so they can just come and enjoy them on the weekend and then leave. This is justified by those who don’t serve in the local church because they serve elsewhere and therefore don’t need to do so here. That’s someone else’s job. Underlying that is the assumption that the guy serving as an usher is not also coaching a t-ball team- which, for what it’s worth, may or may not be true. I have also run into those (both young and old) in this category of responses who seem to feel as though they are the “retired military” of the church service world. They’ve served their shift and now it’s time for someone else to step up so they can sit down. They’ve earned it.
THE GLOBAL THING CAMP: In this camp there are those who say that the church is not defined by some local congregation and it’s buildings, staff, or small groups. The church is a global body of believers and I’m called to serve God all day in a global framework. Serving God and even the church is not about helping park cars in one piece of property or even about serving in recognized spaces affirmed by one local group, but it is rather about serving God everywhere and in every way. IE: Ephesians 6:7 "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people." They feel no need to do anything to keep a local congregation alive and may not be a part of one anyway.
IF WE DIDN’T SPONSOR IT, IT DOESN’T COUNT CAMP: This is where the church declares that if you’re not serving on our campus or in our sponsored programs, you’re not serving the Lord as he’s called you to. After all, God gifts each believer with a spiritual gift for the purpose of blessing others in the local body with it. IE: 1 Corinthians 12:7 (written to a local group of Christians) “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.” Thus it is inferred, the spiritual gifts God gives us are intended to bless the local church- like the one Paul is writing to. To not do so is to abuse the gift God has given you.
So who’s right? My thoughts are varied. But, I think the answer lies in three things.
#1. The local church has to figure out a way to commission and affirm it’s members as servants of Jesus in lots of contexts both inside and outside of the official fences of the campus property. We need to figure out how to send out the congregation into the community as official representatives of the local church in non-church contexts. The act of serving the Lord is bigger than our "small group catalog" can encompass. We need to give them resources to coach teams, minister to the hurting in local hospitals, and serve in the local community without feeling as though they are denying the call of God on their lives by not doing it on the local church campus on Sundays.
#2. The believer has to affirm that in fact the reason they do not serve on the local campus where they regularly enjoy the benefits of others serving in is not because of anarchy or selfishness, but instead by the call of God. They need to be able to confidently and prayerfully affirm that, “I don’t serve here in some capacity because God specifically has called me to serve elsewhere.”
#3. The church- both globally and locally- is designed to be a collaborative effort of all those who follow Jesus. At no point do I get to say, well, that’s not my problem. I’m called to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. I’m called to be a team player and to encourage and equip others to do their part. We are in this together, and if that were more owned, we could spend less time fighting over what is “legitimate” serving and what is not and more time on getting the job done. If we were unified in our collaborative goal, our individual pieces would form a clearer picture of God.
I spent much of today paying bills at work. I hate bills. It's not that I hate cutting checks- like I should get stuff for free or something (though that would be awesome) ... It is just that I hate this piece of youth ministry and family administration. I hate this part of my job. I hate this part of my life. I hate balancing my checkbook. I even do most of it online so that it is as simple as possible. No stamps. No checks.... but I still HATE it. If I was rich, I'd hire an accountant before a gardener.
Everytime I try to give this job away at work, it comes back to me. I had a volunteer at my last church who did this for me. She asked about it and was on top of when the bills were due. She came in every week to get it done. I handed it to her, she did it, and I just signed the request. That was about it. Since I no longer have her to tally up my bills and I don't have an admin assistant and I'm not smart enough to figure out how to find a volunteer to OWN this area of my life.... well, now I spend hours doing it myself- and sadly- I also spend money on last minute fees to rush junk cuz I HATE this... but maybe I already said that. AHHH!
I'm going to go to bed now and dream I'm rich enough to hire a big fancy money man.
We went on a harbor cruise today in San Diego Bay with my wife and her parents after church. I ate way too much. I really tested the "all you can eat buffet" idea. I laughed at Jake a lot. He was on a first name basis with the Captain after his 500th question to the poor guy. They have an "open cabin" policy and you can come in and say hi and watch while he drives the boat. That policy surely will be changing now that Jake torchered the guy with 3 1/2 year old questions. But I think the funniest thing was the way he wanted to toast everyone and how he grabbed his sparkling cider with such zeal. He really likes to say CHEERS!
So Cheers to mom and your mom. Jake and I raise our glass to Mom's everywhere who love kids unconditionally and who give selflessly. You are a rarity. Trust me. I work with some high school students who can tell some stories to prove it. Today I met one whose mom left him when he was 2. You are a rarity. Thanks Mom.
You can see the whole family picture set here
This morning Jake said he was hungry while we were running errands. Breakast in my house is my "job" and I skipped it being Satruday. So while the two of us were out this morning, I delayed him until I bought a hotdog and chips at the home depot cart thingy for him.
I got home and TJ said he hadn't eaten breakfast (cuz I skipped my job) or lunch and that he was hungry before his baseball game. So I made him a turkey sandwich. I made a few of them actually.
This afternoon, we had 2 baseball parties, both of which had hamburgers. I ate 3 today just cuz they were easily accessible.
Last night, before dinner, Jake asked if he could pray. He ended by saying, "please bless this food to our bodies." When he got done, I asked him what that meant. He said he didn't know. He just said it. In fact, none of my kids knew what it meant. They all just say it in prayer at the dinner table. I have some "de-christianizing" to do evidently- in my life and my kids.
Last night after dinner I went to church. We're in a series called "God at the movies." This weekend they are looking at Cinderella Man. I love that movie. But it takes place in the Great Depression and one scene they showed is where the mom "makes milk" by adding water to the small bit they have cuz the milk man is "past due". It also shows dad skipping a meal so his kids can eat. I cried.
What's my point? My point is today I was thinking about food and while thinking about it, I realized that while money has been tight sometimes in my life, I've never had to go without food except by choice. Neither have my kids. Never. So, it's kinda stupid to teach my kid to say "God bless this food to our bodies." Seems like with all the hunger in the world- He already has blessed us. More than I can imagine. More than my kids realize.
So God, if you read my blog.... thanks for the blessing of food. Thanks that I can feed my kids. I pray you'd bless those who cannot and give them the food they do not have in the cupboard they cannot pick what to eat from. And God, I do not want to use the blessing I have for myself. May our home be a place where the hungry are fed.. both near and far.
I was told both of these things today:
JAKE (my three year old son) before breakfast this morning while hugging me. "I'm glad God gave me you to be my Daddy."
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT I'M TRYING TO MENTOR (directed at me in a meeting tonight in a moment of frustration) "I don't want to be here. I wish I hadn't come. I'm sick of church."
Life is a roller coaster. My emotions seem to be the tracks. I'm the guy in the last car just who is both elated and nautious.
Per the comments on my last post, day 4 of 14 day-blog-a-thon-daily-journal experiment will be devoted to adding thoughts to my short paragraph yesterday.
I don’t think that Jesus loves some people more than others. I think it’s amazing that with the way I behave, think, and feel sometimes that it’s amazing God loves me, let alone anyone else. And that's not trite cliche for me. I really believe that to the core of my being. I don't think some people deserve the grace of God more or less than others.
My comments on the JESUS LOVES PORN STARS however caused some confusion. Here’s an attempt to clear it up. Perhaps it will muddy it, but I hope not.
1. I don’t think JESUS LOVES PORN STARS vs. JESUS LOVES PORN is a subtle shift theologically. It is huge on a theological level. I do however think it is subtle graphically. Yes, it’s about where letters are placed on a page. That’s called marketing… which is all I was initially reacting to. My post was more about the “advertisement” of the truth and how it was put forth than anything else. It was and is merely a semantic issue. I searched the internet to try and add the picture of the bible cover to my post so other could see it, but I couldn’t find it. (By the way, word to the wise: typing "Jesus loves porn stars new testament" into google will land some unique hits to say the least. Keep the filter up and running) Anyway, it’s pictured in Time though they don’t show it online. It’s a Bible that looks very close in genre to the JESUS IS MY HOMEBOY t-shirt line. In fact, it looks so hip and fun and cool, that I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Bible being carried by 50 Cent in a video soon. And, depending on what part of the bible your hand is over when you hand it to someone or how you hold it up for others to receive when you pass it out, what you’ll read is “Jesus loves porn” on the cover. I think that is subtle. It was solely a graphic or marketing observation, not a statement on how great the divide is between the two statements.
2. I’m not so sure it’s all that clear either. I doubt my students would understand if I wore a t-shirt on Sunday morning saying, “I love porn stars” that students would understand that I’m saying an unconditional love, not claiming that I approve of it and love seeing them. I'm sure some would jump to that conclusion, but some would be confused. I’m not sure that the fact that changing "I" for "Jesus" in the statement by default automatically says that he loves them unconditionally and does not endorse their behavior. Tons of people right now believe that the fictitious book, the Da Vinci Code, proves that Jesus had sex with Mary Magdelene and I’m guessing that after the movie, our Biblically illiterate society will be even further swayed. In that case, why wouldn’t he also be okay with porn- two consenting adults engaged in sexual expression? What about if they are married? Besides, he did spend time with prostitutes. I don’t think that in a world that isn’t sure what the Bible teaches about sexuality on numerous levels: including orientation, masturbation, consenting adults, abstinence, etc…. That this cover does much to clear up the confusion. But maybe it’s not supposed to, maybe it’s just supposed to cause debate and inspire curiosity… in which case I guess it worked and maybe then the end really does justify the means if the end is more people read the Bible.
3. I have no problem with the XXX Church. This seems to be in line with how they have formed their entire organization From the title of their non-profit to their documentary, “missionary positions” It’s all a play on words. And for what it’s worth, I believe in their mission and think we should have them come teach at our church if we ever get the chance to have them. I understand this Bible cover, and I think it’s even appropriate for the context it is designed to reach. I think the message of the gospel and the passion of God to be reunited with his creation on many levels should be taken to all walks, races, governments, faiths, and professions around the world- including, but not limited to, the porn industry. However, I still think this decision brings some other questions up too and has implications for others across the board.
4. It is politically correct, in my opinion, to say this fact today about sexuality. I don’t think it would be received with the same enthusiasm by the editors of Nav Press or the general public for that matter, if a group trying to reach white supremacists came and asked them to print, GOD LOVES THE KKK on the cover. I also don’t think we’d print, GOD LOVES TERRORISTS or GOD LOVES JIHADISTS for army chaplains yet. I don’t think we’d print GOD LOVES RAPISTS or GOD LOVES….. YOU FILL IN THE BLANK. They are all theologically correct, I just don’t think the publishing world is ready to market the Bible to every group of people in our world whose behavior is not endorsed by the Bible by putting their profession or hobby or whatever on the cover. Even though the text it wraps around clearly teaches that each of those groups are no less loved, valued, and created in his image than any other soul on the planet- no matter how “saintly” they may or may not be. This is the “can of worms” it opens in my opinion. It’s a marketing ploy that has implications… some of which is I think is political.
So here's two article summaries/excerpts I read last night in this weeks TIME magazine:
1. Nav press decided to print 10,000 copies of the New Testament for the ministry "XXX Church". On the cover of the New Testaments (which will be the Message paraphrase) will be the words " JESUS LOVES PORN STARS" real big on the cover with a cool 70's looking Jesus in the background. The American Bible Society, the first publisher it approached, backed the mission of reaching out to the porn industry but rejected the cover as "misleading and inappropriate." According to TIME, "with NavPress, XXXchurch was preaching to the choir".
Well, part of me says, rock on... I think everyone should know they were created by God and for God. I'm also not sure that's any more radical than putting, "JESUS LOVES BRIAN BERRY" on the cover. I'm a total idiot who doesn't deserve it either. But, without the er of superiority, the question becomes, Is this the best way to reach those who are not living Bible supported lifestyles? It seems a subtle shift from Jesus loves porn stars to Jesus loves porn. It also seems to beg the question, what group would we not use this method to "market" Jesus to? What about JESUS LOVES TERRORISTS for army chaplains ministering to prisoners? What about Jesus loves CHILD PORN ADDICTS for a ministry to the other end of the porn industry? I hate the "pandora's box" fear of stuff, but it does seem like we opened a bit of a can of something here.
Click here to read the full article on XXX Church for free until they archive it.
2. An article by Andrew Sullivan called, "My Problem with Christianism". In it he writes a rant against those who claim that they hold the corner on the basic tenets of the Christian faith- and specifically those who have relegated it as a "republican" ideal. His conclusion is awesome. He says, "That's what I dissent from, and I dissent from it as a Christian. I dissent from the political pollution of sincere, personal faith. I dissent most strongly from the attempt to argue that one party represents God and that the other doesn't. I dissent from having my faith co-opted and wielded by people whose politics I do not share and whose intolerance I abhor. The word Christian belongs to no political party. It's time the quiet majority of believers took it back." AMEN Andrew. Amen. Thanks for speaking the truth. I pray it resonates loud and clear with people all over the globe. I know it resonates with Kingdom of God.
Click here to read the full article by Andrew Sullivan for free until they archive it.
I realized today that I have a problem with Grace. I have a problem with it because I can't seem to manage it well in my own life. I know God loves me no matter what (thus the Grace of God)... it's just that if I accept this, I feel some free reign to just do whatever I want and I get lax about sin. But, if I don't accept his Grace, I find myself in a futile fundamentalist attempt to try and prove my love to God- which always results in utter failure.
This morning I read two things:
1. The passage in the Bible where Jesus tells Simon, after fishing all night, to go fishing again Jesus and to throw the nets down for a catch. Simon reluctantly agrees. He's tired. He's worked hard to prove his might as a fisherman and has come up empty handed. Now after he obeys, he sees God bless him immensely on the one hand and standing next to Jesus, the Son of God, he feels small and ungodly. So he says: "Go away from me Jesus, for I am a sinful man." Simon isn't any more comfortable with grace than I am. He knows he doesn't deserve this, so he tells Jesus to go away. Grace makes us feel dirty before it makes us feel clean.... and it I want to push it away, looking for another way to get clean.
2. A chapter from Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Surprise surpise. The chapter was also on grace. His conclusion is worth stewing on for days: "In exchange for our humility and willingless to accept the charity of God, we are given a Kingdom. And a begger's kingdom is better than a proud man's delusion." I read that like 10 times today. I still think it's deeper than my temporal brain will travel.
Anyway- as I thought more on grace. I saw my new coffee pot.
I got it because my old one shattered when I dropped the carafe and it was too old to justify trying to fix it. So, my lovely wife bought me a new one. She gave it to me. For free for my birthday. 
That's like grace. Something is broken, it needs fixing. Rather than try to fix what is broken beyond repair, we just start over. In the case of grace and my coffee pot, you start over with something way better than you deserve and exceedingly more impressive than the pathetic thing I left behind.
My new coffee pot of grace is cool, cuz you can put coffee in it in the morning, and all by itself, it stays hot all day without any heating pad. However... it's like grace that way for me too. It stays hot for a day. After a convicting talk at church.. I'm hot for a day. After a particularly high moment in my spiritual life or some grand moment.. I stay hot for Jesus for a day. But, I need to make a new pot the next day or nuke the old stuff or something... cuz it's gone cold. Thus, the saga of grace for me. I am ready to live in it for a day. Then I jack it all up.
I am not holy enough to not need it.
I am not holy enough to not abuse it.
I am positive that I'll spend the rest of my life trying to understand, embrace, and honor it.
Well. I get an F for updates on the bloggin world. I've been praying about whether I should stop this blog thing or keep it going. Here's my struggle:
REGULARITY: I'm great at starting things. I stink at maintaining things.
CREATIVITY: I'm not the cookie cutter guy. I tweak just about everything I buy or get to make it my own. I tried starting a new blog with some new .mac stuff and a new iweb program, but it was more tweakable. However, it was also not as tweakable as I wished and required more work to end up with just a glorified cookie cutter in the end. So, if I'm gonna do the blog thing. I'ts gonna have to be through blogger for now. bummer. wish I knew html and junk.
MOTIVATION: I feel as though my motivations are mixed. Part of me wants this to be a journal, part of me wants to only blog processed thoughts, part of me wants to blog just to keep friends and family updated on my world, part of me wants to blog ideas and stew on stuff with those who interact with it.
COMMENTS: I've had a few verbal complaints that my .mac blog was too much work to interact with since it required an e-mail.
My conclusion: I'm going to make a twoish week commitment to blog once a day on this site. Today through May 25. We'll see where that takes me. We'll see if anyone reads this gig. We'll see how much work it is or how much it matters. Honestly... I could just use the practice on finishing something, being consistent, and journaling more regularly. This "public" statement will serve as my accountablilty.
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