I DON'T GIVE A RIP

... about stuff I probably should.

In fact, I've been stewing on this for a while now. I think this is a BIG piece of my jacked up self. I think it affects so much of my emotional, physical, spiritual, and relational energy cuz I waste too much of it on stuff that doesn't matter.

For the last 3 thursdays... I have shown up to teach my kids soccer at 4pm and there's been a dad there sitting on a bucket of baseballs teaching his kid to hit and pitch. They practice for 20 minutes and leave. I wonder how many days they do that? Even though I left my office at 3pm to get my kid from school so that I could be there to coach 2 teams for 3 hours of soccer, but somehow I still feel like a tool.

What has that Dad said no to in order to be there? Why do I do this? Why does he? What really matters?

For sure I care about stuff I should just say, "skip it" to and I don't care about stuff I should probably pay a lot of attention to. Call it what you want, but I think it's a daily wrestling match when deciding what to even accomplish on my to do list.

Sadly, I think I even care about stuff God doesn't care about and I don't care enough about stuff God does care about.

On the one side. This is ridiculous. I can't possibly care about all that God cares about the way He cares about it.

• the poor
• the homeless
• the sick
• the dying
• the helpless
• the hurting
• the lonely
• the spoiled
• the desperate
• the complacent
• the happy
• the carefree
• the .... there is no one that God doesn't care about.

In our world of social needs, there seems to be an endless list of dying children, water shortages, disease victims, budget shortages, health care needs, struggling business and families and ..... it seems ENDLESS and overwhelming- the list is so long and so baffling that I sometimes want to quit for sake of the sheer volume of things I don't care about.

So I do my part. One step at a time. One day at a time. Trusting God to be WAAAY bigger than I am. I'm saying yes to some things and no to others. Each day trying to get it right. I think I fail at it more than I'd like to admit. I dunno.

Maybe I should give a rip.

Maybe I should go to bed.