Yep, I just titled this post "boobies". Now I will get all kinds of disgruntled porn traffic.
Which will only prove my point further.
I've had a rant stuck inside me for months that I've let out in various circles but I've been waiting to blog about for forever, but be forewarned, here it comes.
I HATE THE "I LOVE BOOBIES" BRACELETS!!!
I hate them.
I've pulled them off 10 year-old boys on my soccer teams, called out guys in our high school program for wearing them, and questioned girls who walk proudly with them on- the latest of which was earlier today.
To mock them, I even bought www.ilovemanboobies.com, www.ilovemoobs.com, and www.ilovemoobies.com Yep, I own them all... cuz I was seriously thinking of starting my own stupid trend to mock the current one. I was gonna make bracelets and t-shirts with a giant silverback gorilla and his big boobies and raise money for prostate cancer or maybe diabetes or something. I just hate them so much that I don't want to risk losing money fighting them with my satire, so I'm a chicken of an entrepreneur and haven't done anything with my url buying spree yet.
NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT BREAST CANCER.
No 16 year-old dude is wearing a bracelet that says, "I love boobies" because his mom has breast cancer. That guy didn't do the breast cancer walk or raise money for breast cancer awareness and if you ask him to give you $10 to fight cancer and skip the bracelet, you'd raise no money. He will happily check your breasts for suspicious lumps however.
My grandma lost one of her breasts to cancer. She was a breast cancer survivor. We constantly teased her for leaving her foam "replacement" boob everywhere. "Grandma you left your boob in the kitchen again". I can't imagine in a million years wearing a bracelet that says, "I love boobies" around my grandma who only had one. Maybe I should have bought her one that says, "I love boob".
I was in vegas this summer for 5 hours on our way to Idaho and asked this teen guy if I could take his pic in circus circus. Read the location as an intentional pun on this stupid pic.
Look... at least he has one that really says it... "I love your boobies"
You know what's even more astounding than the fact that the NFL chose to sponsor breast cancer and not lukemia or lung cancer and heart disease or drug rehab or anything not directly related to sexuality and cheer leader anatomy... what's most amazing to me is that they wear pink cleats, pink chin straps, pink pretty much anything.... but not one of them is wearing an "i love boobies" bracelet that I've seen. No one. Go figure.
Several of high school and Middle Schools in our area agree with me and have BANNED the stupid things. Oh... and the online pole for nbc san diego dot com attached to the article says the fact that they banned them has "71% of people furious" about it at the point I published this.
It's a teen thing cuz they love breasts not fighting breast cancer.... but that's another discussion. This really isn't about the sexual or reproductive marvels of the female anatomy anyway.
IT'S TELLS WOMEN IN OUR CULTURE, THEIR VALUE IS IN THEIR BREASTS.
It does. We've been telling them this for years in our culture.
This stupid trend does it the most unashamedly of all. It says to them, "Hi, when I see you, I see breasts first." So we sell all kinds of products and surgeries and you name it, to make the part of you we see and value the most, look more like what american culture demands for beauty.
Think about it.
I have an idea. How about I start wearing one of these bracelets when I teach on Sunday? Maybe I'll wear a shirt that says "I love tatas" with it and afterwards we can all go grab lunch at Hooters.
I'm sure... positive even... that all the girls in our ministry will be thinking, "what a creeper". I'll lose my job on demands that I'm a pervert. I mean really, now I'm supposed to tell students, "wow, we both love boobies. So we have that in common."
Ridiculous. Absofreakinglootly ridiculous!!!
DON'T WEAR THAT DUMB BRACELET AROUND ME... OR IF YOU DO, BE PREPARED TO CUT A $50 CHECK TO BREAST CANCER RESEARCH ON THE SPOT WHEN I ASK YOU.